I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
