I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
