Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
