the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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