I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
