she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
