Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
