His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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