I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
