Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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