i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize