have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
