did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
