I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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