he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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