we're chasing vodka with high fives
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
