Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
