I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
They took my balls.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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