I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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