Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
