So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
