If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
