Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think a kid would responsible me up
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
