Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
