it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
