she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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