Will you blow on my dice?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
