I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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