i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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