but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
