walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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