Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
