I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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