You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
