He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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