Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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