my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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