you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
