can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
