Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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