sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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