If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
