Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
