God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
