I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize