I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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