We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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