I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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