Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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