I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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