There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
