He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
