feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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