And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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