found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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