whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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