I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
