he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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