Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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