Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
