We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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