she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize