I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
