he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
