Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
