it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
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