I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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