I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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