batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
