hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
