If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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