member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
