tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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