You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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