he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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