Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
jump out the window naked night went bad
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
