you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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