you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
